The Version of Me Who Fought with Dance Moms
So, I’m going back to college, and the road that led me here has been an interesting one.
Before we dive into the events that brought me here, you should know a few things about me: I love people, I love A/V, and I am extremely creative, especially when it comes to problem solving.
There’s obviously more to me than that, but we can dig into that in another blog.
When I was 16, I got into lighting design and fell in love immediately. I started freelancing almost right away. I was crawling around catwalks, hanging lights, developing carpal tunnel from programming said lights. It was amazing and perfect. I knew instantly that this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
Lighting has been, and always will be, my favorite. But it was also a gateway drug to other technical pursuits. I started doing photography, videography, audio, graphic design, stage management, event management, and so much more.
I earned my Theatre Associate’s degree, packed it up, and moved to the Nashville area. I worked on incredible projects that deepened my love for tech. From there, I took my degree, my skills, my love for the work, and the love of my life, and moved to Texas to manage a 1930s art deco music venue.
It was during that job that I learned something about myself: I am a lover of rules and structure. That establishment… not so much. So when I was offered a position at my last job, a place that values policies, systems, and order, I thought it would be the perfect fit.
For a while, it was.
I was learning, growing, figuring out how everything worked. But eventually, that momentum faded. I wasn’t designing lights. I wasn’t taking photos. I wasn’t even duking it out with dance moms about snacks in the auditorium anymore. I was managing systems. And I was stuck.
The pay was good. The benefits were great. I loved my coworkers. So why change?
Around this time, I was nominated for a future leader training at work. We studied teaming, social styles, influence, how to evaluate people and systems and make them better. It was the first time in ages that I looked forward to going to work.
I love analyzing. I love improving processes. I love people. It all clicked.
That’s when I started considering getting a degree in HR or psychology and transitioning to a different department. But I was also planning a wedding, so I decided to put school on hold.
When Health Pushed Me to Change
Let me be super duper clear:
Do I want to be chronically ill and disabled? Absolutely not.
Am I grateful that it pushed me in a direction that feels aligned? Yes.
Would I still prefer not to be chronically ill? Also yes.
In August, before I even had answers, I knew something had to change. I couldn’t walk from the couch to the bathroom without going down. I couldn’t stand long enough to function normally. But not working wasn’t an option. I was the primary breadwinner. We had recently purchased a house and we were getting married.
Some people might say “But Kaelee, what about applying for disability?”
With POTS, applying for disability often guarantees a long fight, legal fees, and uncertainty. It’s possible, but I didn’t have a diagnosis yet. And I didn’t have the fight in me. So I kept working.
I requested remote accommodations. I pushed through. And eventually, I was placed on short-term disability. It wasn’t how I planned it. I had hoped to step into leave on my own terms, with more medical clarity. Instead, I forced and I now had time — and a lot of it.
While on short-term disability, I did research. I reflected, and I realized something. Being disabled is hard but what felt even harder was not having someone who truly understood it.
I have a wonderful therapist. She is kind and brilliant and supportive. But she is not, to my knowledge, chronically ill or disabled. She can empathize, and she can support me, but there was something missing.
So during my abundance of time and in between episodes of The Good Wife I thought, I have been through some shit and I love helping people. What if I used that? What if I used that and became a therapist? Last time I checked, therapists don’t have to climb ladders or run cable.
I started building a plan. I would return to work in my wheelchair with all my ailments and I would begin my psychology degree online. After that, I would transition into HR. Then pursue my MSW. Then licensure. Then eventually open my own practice. I was so excited.
I bought new work pants and had them tailored. I met with my doctor and filled out ten pages of accommodation paperwork. I packed my work bag, set out my big girl panties, and was ready! Come hell or high water, I was going to do this for me and all of the people I wanted to help in the future.
And then I got laid off.
The day after Christmas, I received the standard “let’s meet with HR about budget challenges” email. That following Monday, the same day my short-term disability ended, I was laid off. I felt everything you would expect. Sad. Angry. A lot of my favorite swear words. But eventually, I got my shit together, I applied for unemployment, and I decided to stick to the plan.
Building a Future That Fits
All of that brings us to today. Today, my orientation for WGU opened, and I am so excited!!
My classes look interesting. The coursework feels manageable. I have the best support system in the world. Will this be easy? No. Chronic illness guarantees good days, bad days, and really bad days.
But this path fits.
It fits my mobility needs. It fits my desire to help people. It fits the version of me that wants to build something sustainable.
I could have done without the bullshit that brought me here, but I am proud of where I am standing - sitting - wheeling now.
This is the beginning of something intentional, and I am excited to share this next chapter with you. <3